De Toga op een Kiertje: Holistic Law

Returning from a weekend with Wayne Dyer, I decided to position myself as a holistic lawyer and to discard my armour from that moment on. As a matter of fact, I abandoned the adversarial divorces and their proceedings several years ago, yet you cannot avoid the fact that time and again you are confronted with these proceedings. Knowing how to change the negative energy of people in such conflicts into positive energy is the real art. This you can manage if you are willing to look beyond the legal proceedings as such.

Go to the field of compassion and love

By taking people along in the field of compassion and by giving them an insight into the roles they play in this life, as a friend, a partner, a parent or as a professional. I am focussed on the whole problem at issue, the whole person with all his emotions and feelings, his rights and duties. It is only then that people in conflict will make a connection again, which is necessary to arrive at a solution that will hold. People do not control the circumstances in which they end up in life. However, they can make a choice as to how they are dealing with those circumstances. That applies for my clients but also for myself as a professional.

What does holistic law mean exactly?

Holistic Law means different things to different people. I use it to clarify a certain approach of operating a practice. A style you apply to consider all the relevant surrounding circumstances, for instance, in case of a divorce you consider the underlying narrative of the decision to divorce, the family of origin, the roads travelled from the marriage until the decision to separate. If it concerns a partnership conflict, the focus may be on the manner of communicating, the applicable hierarchy, the possibility to disagree and the characters of the persons in control. I seek a broader focus to understand the problem better without attaching a value judgement. People always want to enforce their truth, however, that truth does not exist. At most it is your vision of the conflict, your feeling, a reaction that applies for you personally and that for that reason is true. Other persons involved feel a truth of their own.   

Everyone has their own truth 

How can you make this visible? I give people the opportunity to speak so that they feel heard. That is important because everyone participating in solving a conflict has their own contribution and also their own hurts. By recognizing these and by bringing them to the table, they will be open for discussion and treatment. As an Holistic Lawyer I try to care for people, to guide them and to reflect via the path of love and compassion. Choices that are made based on Love are by definition stronger than choices that are made based on Fear. In the process, I integrate elements from mindfulness, from meditation and from yoga. In addition to numerous instruments from psychology. If people are again able to listen to one another, much has been gained already. Furthermore, I advise them to keep themselves in a healthy psychological state by spending time outdoors and re-establishing contact with nature. By focussing on your breathing and by reserving a moment of silence in your agenda. By taking good care of yourself. That sounds logical but the majority of people at my table have forgotten that. They have no time to take care of themselves.

EXERCISE – 2 MINUTES OF MEDITATION

To put it to the test, I ask you to cooperate in the following experiment. Put all your devices to sleep for two minutes: your telephone, your PC, iPad and ensure that your door is closed and that no one can come in bothering you. Switch on the timer on your telephone and put it at 4 minutes. Then, sit straight on your chair, feet on the floor, hands relaxed in your lap. Close your eyes and try to go into the silence in yourself for two minutes, to focus only on your own breathing for two minutes.  For two minutes you visualize yourself as if you are leaning against a tree and that any thoughts that come to your mind are put on a leaf one by one (leaves of the tree that flutter down) and are placed in the river by you. The river carries your thoughts to the sea where they are released. Until you are perfectly still inside. Two minutes.

The clock represents the certainty of 4 minutes so that you will not be disturbed at all and which gives you enough time to be still.

The Lawyer can be your healer

By making contact consciously and by taking a broader view, you can mean much more for other people. You see other things and feel more keenly the overtone of what people are saying, what they really want to say. By listening consciously, you listen more sharply, which gives you the instruments to point people in the right direction, people who are stuck in the moment, sometimes in panic, from fear of losing everything. Everyone has the ability to make choices. Some need help to make a choice, a holistic lawyer or mediator can in that case make the difference. Lawyers and mediators can be your healers.

You can’t control the wind, but you can adjust the sail – Jeremy’s Rule no 15 for living a better life – To be continued